O Canada!

We were a little busy with the Daddy Homecoming for me to write a birthday message to my Canadian friends. I'm a huge Canada-phile even though I managed to get seriously sunburned there during my first trip to Ottawa as an adult. (No, really, I did. My Italian then-boyfriend was absolutely flabbergasted that this was even possible.)

A year later, sans aforementioned boyfriend, I went back up for another trip to Ottawa, as I'd come to love the city. I stayed at an international hostel near Parliament--not the former jail this time, though I'd recommend it--and was surprised to be the only American. Of course, my trip coincided with Canada Day, and I was the perfect scapegoat for a whole lot of good-natured crap from the Canadians. And the Aussies. And the Kiwis, now that I think about it.

There is (or was) a popular sketch comedy in Canada called This Hour Has 22 Minutes, and one of the best recurring sketches was "Talking to Americans". Imagine Jay Leno's 'Jaywalking' focused on the ignorance of the average American and you pretty much have the picture. The CBC did an hour-long special based on this particular sketch, which was rebroadcast the evening of Canada Day. I'd already seen it, as a good friend of mine from Canada had sent it to me months prior. Of course, I was hunted down and pulled into the common room to watch it and speak for Americans coast to coast who know nothing about our closest neighbors. Or neighbours, for my maple-leafy friends. There really was no defense; here are some examples:

* went to several Ivy-league colleges and got passionate and well-intentioned statements and signatures from students AND professors on petitions to ban the Great Saskatchewan Seal Hunt and the abandoning of Canadian elderly on ice floes.

* asking Chicagoans what they thought of Canada's plan to change its name to 'Chicago'.

* running a poll on the name for Canada's season of total darkness, favoring "Cana-Dark".

* asking opinions on whether the US should lend its navy to Canada, since, as a land-locked nation, Canada doesn't have one of its own. To their credit, folks were more than happy to let Canada borrow their navy. After all, what are neighbors for?

* congratulating Canada on: switching to the 24-hour clock; joining North America; preserving their national igloo; legalizing insulin; achieving 800 miles of paved road.

* asking how many Canadian states they could name. One woman puzzled over this for a moment before her son, about 8 years old, said with astonishment, "Wait a minute, they have provinces!", resulting in loud cheers from the audience.

It was one of the funniest hours of television I've ever seen. The fact that I was able to withstand the ribbing and join in did much for American-Canadian-whomeverelseian relations, and I was fully welcomed into the Canada Day festivities. Despite the fact that none of the group I hung with that day were Canadian, we celebrated in full spirit along with everyone else in Ottawa. I have to say that they put on a heck of a fireworks display, even though we had to wait until well past 10pm until it was dark enough.

One final thing, though. I have an ongoing and fairly heated dispute with a good (Canadian) friend of mine regarding the whole issue of curling. I'm going to put it in writing once and for all and will not change my mind in this lifetime: Curling is NOT a sport. It was kind of intriguing to watch during the last winter Olympics while we were in Germany, but then, all we had was AFN (American Forces Network) and it was that or endless self-serving promos by an obnoxious and patronizing Air Force general. Curling is, I'm sure, an enjoyable game, but game it is.

Thanks, Canada, for putting up with your well-intentioned but frequently cloddish next door neighbor. You're beautiful in both geography and citizenry, and feel free to come over any time you need a cup of sugar. After all, what are neighbo(u)rs for?


(I need to add this: After writing this, I found an article on "Talking to Americans" on Wikipedia that included a little tidbit I thought I should share. Apparently this special received a bunch of award nominations, but because of the timing of those awards so close to the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Rick Mercer felt it would be in poor taste to air a show poking fun at Americans and asked the organizations to pull the nominations. Talk about having some serious class.)